There are also times when I feel like my white partners are trying to overcompensate for their whiteness. He wrote, "As Black men, we need to value ourselves so much that no outside force, no prejudice — even one guised as preference — can make us feel second place. Why am I not drawn to other men of color? Are they using me as an experimental phase? But while the absence of queer POC-centric establishments is definitely an issue, many of the other Black men I see at gay bars around Manhattan and Brooklyn are booed up with white men, too. As I continue on this road to self-discovery and acceptance, I often think about my gay uncles who died, and I wish they could have been a part of this journey. I never had the chance to speak to either one while they were alive, but I often wonder what advice or mentorship they could have provided me as a young Black gay male coming of age in such a sheltered environment. I replied, "Look around — I'm one of three Black guys here. The only gay people I saw in the media were white, and the few Black queer celebrities that I knew of, like Wanda Sykes and Michael Sam, were in interracial relationships. And in doing that, are we only reinforcing the politics of desire that deem Black people less attractive? Statements like " no fats or fems " or " no Blacks or Asians " litter profiles in hookup communities on Grindr, Jack'd, and similar platforms. When I read a recent essay by Michael Arceneaux, his words hit me hard. They were estranged from our family, partly because of their health and their sexual orientation.