Although this study did not find that nondisclosing MSM were at higher risk for HIV infection than MSM who are more open about their sexuality 1—3 , the data suggests that a substantial proportion of nondisclosers are infected with HIV and other STDs and are at high risk for transmitting these infections to their male and female sex partners. And I am not alone in being the object of ambivalent, conflicted desire by men who identify as straight. This article was amended on 13 August Being gay is still not easy, especially as a person of color. The article has been amended to reflect the fact that Shade Schuler was killed in Dallas, not Detroit. A cross-study analysis that reviewed 24 articles and published in the Journal of the National Medical Association found that "black MSM are more likely than MSM of other racial or ethnic groups to be bisexually active or identified; and, compared with white MSM, are less likely to disclose their bisexual or homosexual activities to others. While down-low-gay is someone who is a closet gay man. But what I find annoying is how this game called life is so unevenly stacked — with one group holding all the cards. Sex, Lies and Denial in Black America , Keith Boykin states that secret homosexual relations are not unique to African American men, and in fact occur in many societies and among all races. But the creation of an organized, underground subculture largely made up of black men who otherwise live straight lives is a phenomenon of the last decade. Most DL men identify themselves not as gay or bisexual but first and foremost as black. As someone who is down-low is on the receiving end of homosexual sexual pleasure and for that reason does not view them selves as gay. And while I want acceptance of us in the world at large, I still want us. This thought has even led to our gayborhoods beginning to disappear as acceptance of LGBT people rises. There have always been men — black and white — who have had secret sexual lives with men. I began noticing this all the way back at my very white elementary school, when boys would roughhouse and grope each other on the playground while always making sure to punctuate their grabs with gay slurs that called the receiver of that grab a homosexual. To them, as to many blacks, that equates to being inherently masculine.